Am I even ready to date to be exact.
I just watched Neelofa’s Naelofar hijab campaign video and it totally got me (the inspiration behind the video is obviously from her real love experience not long ago). But yeah, it totally got me, it hurts me, honestly. Even the prettiest girl could get her heart broken. Then I realize that love isn’t superficial.
I don’t know how it feels like getting loved back, I’ve never experienced getting sweet good morning or good night text, I’ve never received flowers from a boy who claim that he loves me. I do curious of the thrill of getting myself hooked to this love thing and I do long for it. But seeing people around me getting hurt by love, hurts me too #weak
I know there are pros and cons in everything, same goes to love. It isn’t entirely going to be rainbows and glitters, there are going to be times when storm decided to pass by. And that’s the thing, am I ready to face the storm together? This commitment thing honestly scares me. Although there are times where I do question myself like “man, why is my love life sucks???” and “why won’t anyone date me????”, I even googled “how to flirt when you’re a homebody” bahaha. But
Do I want to be in love?
But am I ready?
I’m not ready. I feel like I’ve so many goals to complete, I’m still 20, give me time. I want to travel, I want to fulfill my duty as a daughter, a sister and a good friend to others. I know that we can have someone special beside us while trying to achieve all of these but what makes me hesitant is the thought of having him by my side in a long term. Will he stay? Is he the one? Will I stay?
Because to me, I date to marry. I’ve no time for monkey love, elephant love and all. I want to know a guy that can help me in completing half of my deen, not to just stupidly mingle around having fun, watching movies. I can do that with my best friends thanks. Also, there aren’t much of things we could do when dating before marriage, cannot hold hands and all, we’d just be eating buddies, knowing each other deeply..and to drag it for 4-8 years…I bet my a** he’d get bored of me haha. Will he also follow my, or more like God’s request, to respect me as a girl and that he doesn’t have any rights to touch me? I told y’all that I’d be a boring girlfriend bahaha
I know that I’m not the type that can be tamed easily, I’m a dreamer and I’ve big dreams. If I were to date someone, will he be there to support me? To empower me? To push and inspire me to achieve those dreams? I’d do the same to him though, but will he catch me when I fall? Will he let me fly higher than him? We’re playing with egos here.
All of these thoughts swirls around in my head everyday. I can’t just think of the good and fun side of dating, I’ve to think of the bad too. 2 fragile hearts are being involved here, having one is already a pain to me.
If I were to be in love real soon and that it isn’t a one sided love, I’d tell him to focus on himself first. I’d tell him to prioritize his love to those who actually deserve it more, his mom, his dad, siblings and God, but please put me last on the list. I won’t let him buy me stuff, because as a girlfriend I actually don’t deserve it. I’d tell him to invest on other things instead, like gas, or buy stuff for his mom, bring dad to watch movie or something even more beneficial to him. He doesn’t have to invest on me to prove that he loves me, so long as the vow has yet to happen I’ve 0 rights on his money. Also, it is ok to prioritize study or work more than me, gotta build a strong foundation for the sake of the(our) future hehe.
It doesn’t mean that I don’t love and care about him though, no. I’d do all of these out of love, because dating is something uncertain, if things doesn’t work in between us, he won’t break as much because he’ll still have his love for his family in his heart, and I want nothing but happiness for the person that owns the special spot in my heart. And if he truly loves me, he’ll wait for me until the day that I’d say yes. And when we’re official in the eye of God, boy, then I’ll show you my true side BAHAHA #noturningback Jokesss of course I’d be my true self during the whole dating phase, but then I’ll show him my inexistent romantic side even more when we’re married, God knows how clingy I actually am hehe #canfinallyholdhands #alsotouchyourface #pokeyournostrils #coughs
Is this how dating works because in my world I visualized it just like this hahaha. I’m soooo old school, guys, I don’t think there’s anyone who is interested enough to take me as his teammate for the rest of his life lol. But oh wells, he will come when the time’s right. You can’t say no if God says yes hahaha. As for now, I gotta start to save up for travel. Gotta appreciate this world before getting myself blinded by love bahaha.