From liking pictures to feeling insecure, I’m really getting tired of Instagram.
I think I’ve written about getting myself insecure for being on Instagram for too much here. All of the perfect pictures posted there, flawless faces and effortless poses, I wanted to be like these people. Having perfect white feed, looking pretty and ridiculously HD pictures (which made me want to invest on expensive camera at one point lol) but…is it really worth it?
True there are people that have gotten themselves famous and well-known from Instagram, perfect outfit, flawless makeup, amazing life with the ongoing vacations and here I am being bitter because I’m not one of them. I know I should be happy for them too, but at the same time I can’t always be positive. I’d totally breakdown and would start to compare myself – or my feed haha. There lies pictures of a girl who posed so hard to get that perfect moment, wearing designer clothes and ridiculously sky high high heels, because she thinks that that is the only way to show the world how stylish she is and how supportive she is towards the brands that she’s rooting for. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing it. But then it gets…overwhelming…
But as I look deeper into my own picture, flashbacks came and hit me like a huge wave. All of the efforts: posing, being bossy towards my photographers (sorry teet and my bro bahaha), getting pissed because my editing doesn’t match with my entire feed, getting frustrated because I don’t know how to make my picture looking HD and the time consumed just to edit one photo seems ridiculous to me now. Though there was a satisfaction once the picture was up but the stress came back because the picture doesn’t look right now, the picture didn’t get many likes and overthinking why my friends won’t like my picture back though I’ve never missed liking nor one of their posts.
Am I the only one who is going through this? Why is everyone so chill about their instagram account? Don’t they feel me?
That’s when I realize that I took this instagram thing too seriously. I wanted to show the world how perfect my life is, how proud I am of my clothes and how blessed I am with all of these superficial things. I wanted people to think that I’m one of those perfect instagrammers, who gets endless sponsorships and praises for being beautiful, when in fact I’m not and I’m far from that.
I’m just me. Who raged over silly things, who gets happy and proud over your achievements, who feels your sadness, who cried over an elderly who ate his lunch alone. I’m just another stubborn girl who believes that she’s going to be big someday, I’ve pimples on my face, I wear torn pants to sleep as it is my favorite pants in this world. I’m the shy girl who gives you a bitch face because I am afraid of what you think of me, because I’m insecure. I’m just a girl who loves learning law so much, a girl with hopes that she will at least contribute to help this world.
I am more than that girl you saw on Instagram.
I’ve been feeling wonderful nowadays but I couldn’t think of the reason, until I decided to open up instagram once again (I was in a such awkward situation at that time) and my mood got infected a bit. That’s when I realize that I haven’t been on instagram for days, but then I had to like too many pictures just because I feel like I need to. My mind would go like “omg but you like A’s picture what if B saw and get pissed if you didn’t like her photo too”. Seriously, am I the only one though???
So here I am apologizing for not liking your pictures these past few days, I really really cannot commit to this IG thing. The only reason why I still have it is because of my idols and also my favorite brands, which I turned the notification on just for them haha. But I’ll still like your photos sometimes though and will still post pictures but that’ll probably happen twice per month only lol.
I mean instagram is not bad guys don’t get me wrong, but I’m just tired. If you love instagram, then you do you. I’m not trying to say that it is a bad platform, it can be entertaining to you but to me it is such a depressing app. I feel like I was trapped in this “perfect” world and couldn’t move freely, as if having flaw in this IG “world” is a huge sin! I don’t want to waste my time being perfect…I want to be my true self and you know…just be free.
I feel like this is a bimbo post now but then I just feel the need to clarify myself (I haven’t been liking your pictures not because I hate you kay). For now I just want to focus on my study, real life and this blog, where I can be truly raw and authentic hehe. No worries I’ve yet to completely abandon my IG account, in fact I’ll still post OOTD (and food) pictures to share with you guys clothes that I bought from brands that you guys might be interested in so no worries! It’s just not going to be as frequent as before.
Hopefully I can stay away from Instagram without feeling guilty for not liking your pictures now haha. I hope you guys understand me as this is affecting my mental health too and I am really sorry for being weak. I mean PFFTT IT’S JUST INSTAGRAM. But I’m really sorry for not being mentally strong, it is really. draining. me. out.to. the. core. Anyway just because I stopped liking your pictures doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you guys okay. You guys worth more than my like.
Okay my insecurity’s done talking now hahaha #Mizasigningout