Last night I was at my lowest due to hormonic reasons, or maybe I was just stressed out because exam’s like next week. I swear Ta’aruf week just ended like a month ago, how is it exam week already?? Time needs to chill seriously.
Anyway, I’ve been so busy these past few months I barely got time for Instagram. The only accessible times I had to enjoy that particular social application were on Saturdays and Sundays, so basically I was kinda left out in that particular social world. So with the time I had yesterday night, I scrolled through the explore page and pictures of beautiful ladies popped out invading most of my phone screen. They’re all beautiful, skinny, fair and basically bunch of perfect ladies in their hijab and all. Some were even brainiacs, doctors, lawyers, business women, master holders, PhD students etc. Basically a person that I’ve always wanted to be. They’re mostly taken, pictures of them with their husbands or boyfriends being all romantic, not forgetting the #instagramhusband #instagramhusbandtobe #instagramboyfriend hashtags as the caption.
While I was scrolling (basically stalking pfftt), I did a thing that I shouldn’t do: comparing myself with them.
See, I know comparing yourself is normal, but I’ve vowed to myself not to do it anymore. I used to compare myself with others and be all like “why am I not pretty like her?” “why am I not as smart as him” “why can’t I be talented too?” but starting last year, I’ve had enough and restricted myself from lurking on such negativity. I learnt to accept and love myself, the journey was not easy. Trying to ignore others and just focusing on yourself while still having the habit to compare is a horrendous battle I’ve went and is still going through.
Everyday I had to remind myself that I’m me and no one can ever be me (it’s not like anyone wants to be me anyway but hey it’s a great motivation haha). I started to discover the many pieces of myself, I figured out my fashion style, I found out that I apparently hate numbers and essay’s actually my life and that I looooove taking pictures. Obviously there are much more of that but I’m not gonna make you guys yawn with the list, most of it are sekadar but hey it means so much to me!!
So I woke up this morning and was reminded of my “sulking” last night. Apparently I forgot how to love myself and most of all, I was so ungrateful to Allah s.w.t, I was the worst of all humankind. Satan won, guys. But I’m not going to let them win once again.
So I started to think of all the positive things that can elevate my mood, I want to love myself once again because apart of Allah, nobody can ever love you more than yourself. Believe me, once you know how to accept yourself, you’ll be completely at ease. You may compare yourself (lightly) sometimes but you’d automatically shrug it off seconds after. It’s an amazing feeling mashaAllah.
I went back to the basics and start everything again. Just in case I forgot about these once again in the future, I’m going to list down every single one of it:
1. BE GRATEFUL
Count every blessings that Allah s.w.t has given you, from properties to family, even your health. Be grateful that He still gives you chances to wake up everyday to improve your life and your relationship with Him. Be grateful you have a family that loves you dearly, or even if you don’t, you still have your friends that cares about you more than you ever realise. Be grateful of your own body, even though you may hate it, then start working on it. Widen your eyes to see what you have rather than what you don’t have, and focus on it.
2. DO NOT EVER COMPARE
Your look, your knowledge, the way you walk, everything. Do not ever compare. You’re you and you’re one of a kind. You might have 7 other doppelganggers around this world, but they can never be you. They might be a dude, or a punk or a makeup guru, only God knows. Allah s.w.t made each of us unique in our own way and each of us have our own purposes in this world. Don’t let yourself gets clouded by the thought of how useless you are for not being smart, who knows you have a hidden talent that you’ve yet to discover? She might be beautiful, but then there’ll always be other girls that are beautiful than her and you. Then? Why bother? You’re free to feel beautiful too. Get that palette out, blend those eyeshadows, sharpen that eyeliner, anything that makes you feel beautiful and happy you’re free to do so, just know the border.
If you feel that one person is the smartest and you can never be like him or her, always remember that every knowledge in this world belongs to Allah and only He can give it to you. So seek for it, make dua and know your niat for seeking His knowledge. If it’s just for the purpose of showing off, in the end, it’s basically useless too. Know what you want, know your passion and again focus on it, don’t look at others even if they have the same passion as you unless your intention is to help those who’re struggling.
I know this step is hard, especially when you have negative people who also compares you with others, direct or indirectly. Shrug them off, you know what you’re doing. Focus on the seed you’re planting and don’t mutter a single word, let the outcome be your voice.
3. ACCEPT AND LOVE YOURSELF
Yet, another hard step especially when you’re not confident in your own skin. You may think that your skin is too dark or your eyes are too big and every other endless dissatisfactions towards your own body, please be reminded that Allah has made you perfectly. Nothing of His creations are imperfect, that’s why us muslims are not allowed to change our appearances permanently. It shows how ungrateful we are and how obsessed we are in looking good in front of humankind, but when it comes to looking good in front of Him, we just meh it. I won’t lie that I sometimes forget about this too, this is a reminder for myself also.
But we can always improve everyday. If you’re feeling fat, sluggish and starting to hate yourself then do something about it. Start exercising, change your eating habits, if that helps you to finally love yourself. I don’t really like saying this as a change, I consider this as an improvement. You’re better than you were yesterday.
But if you’re already confident in your own skin then great! Skinny or curvy or plump, you go girl! You’re one step ahead! Trust me, when you’re starting to love yourself you’ll be extra careful with your own feelings (and end up with no one like me because no guys can ever match my expectations..jokes la hehe).
Anyway, accepting and loving yourself are not equivalent to being a narcissist ok. When you accept and love yourself, you’ll get to spread happiness to others. But when you’re being a self-centred narcissist, you’ll get to spread annoyance. Know the difference haha
4. BE PATIENT, OVERCOME THAT JEALOUSY
The darn-est thing of all: jealousy. It’s a corruption to the heart, even in Islam we’re not allowed to feel jealous or envy. People would go beyond anything due to jealousy, to the point of killing even. I’ve read several court cases relating to murder, the outcome from the feeling of jealousy. It sent chill down my spine, these people. It is important for us to know how to handle these two negativities.
Be mature about it. You look at other people having things that you’ve always wanted, don’t silently curse at them (guilty as charged, but I’m trying to avoid this I swear!). This happened to me a lot, guys. Like this one time when I knew a following from my IG went to the dUCk store, I literally went all “ugh what even she went there before me??? And she only knew dUCk this year!”
Please, don’t be like that. Instead, hold on to your bitterness, istighfar and tell yourself that Allah knows what you want and that He’s going to give you the same as what He gave to that person, or even better. Make dua, ask from Him. It doesn’t matter if He’s going to give it to you sooner or later. The more you wait, the greater it’s going to be. Have faith in Allah, Allah loves faithful and patient people. Not only you’ll get what you want in the end, you’ll get some pahala too. Bulls-eye right there!
Oh God I’m soooo ready for my handsome prince charming now HEHEHE #19yearsofwaitingandcounting #hemustbesomething
5. JUST BE YOU
No matter who your fashion icons are and how obsessed you are with them to the point of stealing their styles completely, please remember to be yourself. You can never be them and they can never be you. I’m not trying to say that dressing up like them is wrong guys, even I sometimes copy the way Vivy and Lofa dress up. But when I’m in that “costume”, I don’t act like them. I’d still be myself.
You’re unique as yourself, you don’t have to be another person just so you can impress people. This world would be monotonous if everyone’s the same as everyone.
But don’t try to be unique, because you’re already unique. Just be you.
No more feeling all bitter over instagram posts now teehee. Besides, what people posted are just the surface of their lives, selections of what they choose to show. It’s the tip of an iceberg. We should just extract the positivity out of it, turn it into a motivation instead and use it as a fuel to drive us in achieving our goals.
So guys, whenever I feel like I’m about to give up on myself, please slam this post to my face haha. But seriously, it does help me though. I don’t feel the need to be like those Instagram people anymore. I just want to be the best of me.